I’ve been a bit wrung out these days, my to-do list just won’t get shorter, my sleep is off, the short days and early dark – you know what I mean – I’m out of whack, I’m in disequilibrium. So where the mind goes so goes the body and a few weeks ago I bent to zip my zipper or tie my shoe or something else innocuous – there was a loud pop in my neck and my range of motion stopped at about twenty-five degrees each way. Ok fine universe, I’ll do some stretching, etc and keep on going. Well let me tell you the universe did not abide, so last week after a regular teeth cleaning (nothing unusual) my jaw slipped out of gear just like the clutch going out in your car but this came with gnawing pain with every chew and my bite out of alignment….. OK, OK universe I get it – STOP – I added “take care of self” to my to-do list. There was a masseuse right here at the Ranch for the week – nothing was stopping me. So today (just hours ago in fact) I got an amazing massage!
I scheduled a 90-minute massage instead of just 60 minutes (a splurge I have never allowed myself), I told my masseuse of my woes and she got to work, she dug and pressed and smoothed every inch of me with her hot angel hands. While I was on the table an image of a strong, fierce, determined angel wringing out laundry along the Ganges came to mind. The masseuse was the angel, of course, and I the laundry, the pouring rain outside played the part of the mighty holy Ganges River. After almost 2 hours she left me – set out to dry in the tree branches along the riverbank. Neck is moving to 35 degrees each way now (not perfect – but better), jaw thinking about getting back to work (maybe a few more days). Thank you universe for reminding me to take care of myself – but next time can you just send me a text?
So here is your reminder before it’s too late- make time for yourself in the midst of your all your busy!
PS – Thanks Angel Anya for your strong hands and open heart!
It is hard for me to begin again. My dad died just over two weeks ago and I have struggled to write a blog post, since my last passionate one nothing seems as important. The ordinariness of the past two weeks feels like an insult to the intensity of the previous month. The every-day-ness is a affront to the powerful love and the concentration of feeling that went before. But likewise (and in contradiction to what I just wrote) the ordinariness is comforting. The sun sets, the sun rises and a new day begins. Work needs doing, groceries need to be bought, the car needs service, the dog whines for a walk….. The truth is my father wouldn’t have it any other way. He was a doer, a hard worker, someone who got things done. And so my work continues and this blog that he was so devoted to continues. My dad was possibly the first person to read my blog each time I sent it out, and while he rarely commented publicly he almost always sent a text or an email of encouragement and praise. That’s what is hard now – my dad was one of my biggest fans – forever cheering me on. And now he’s not there. NO, that’s not true; his legacy in my veins is made of stronger stuff than that! I hear his encouragement still in my ear, in my heart. So I guess I better get back to work.
Thanks to all of you who sent your kind words and encouragement over the past two weeks, you have buoyed my spirit and I am grateful.
I painted this daffodil and shadows painting this weekend. The sun was roiling with the big thunderclouds and at the moment when the sun was winning its wrestling match with the billowing grey it seemed impossibly bright. Somehow the contrast and constant shifting from clouds to sun made the light even brighter the dark shadows richer and deeper. And so this painting is as much about the richness of the reaching shadows as it is the sunny daffodils smiling above. And so it seemed these past few weeks as we waited to hear about whether our son would receive a big scholarship he had applied for that would allow him to go to University Pennsylvania on a four year full ride. The waiting was so hard for him and all of us, we knew it would be settled within a few weeks but my emotions were like the wrestling weather, sunny and optimistic one day then gloomy and misty the next. Big life changes are like that – the uncertainty is always the hardest, the gloomy misty places push us to look inward, which is good for a time- useful – but too long and it’s disorienting. So when decisions are made, like “you got the scholarship, you’re going to Penn”- then the bright flash of sun is blinding and illuminating at the same time. So in our house we are enjoying the bright sun of certainty now and admiring the deep rich shadows cast when the grey mist blows away with the dark rain clouds. And so the daffodils and shadows represent the assurance of good things to come – of a road revealed. To you my dear reader take good courage with the fog and clouds in your life and be ready to greet the bright sun when it comes.